“You can be a hard worker but also love and recognize the need to rest and reset” (Fluker 2023).
As I approach another year on this planet, I’ve deeply reflected on the last 3 years. Three themes have come to mind during this reflection: rest, creativity, and comfort are just as essential as, hustle, wealth and productivity to well-being. In some ways even more so…. I originally read an article about the soft life movement in the spring, which is where many of the reference quotes derived. In this post I simply connected each concept to my own learnings with meaningful and relatable examples. The Superwoman syndrome is very real. It’s what we do once we identify it is what matters.
Rest
“As many of us release the social pressures of being seen as tough and resilient, we’re also beginning to opt for wellness, prioritizing our mental health by identifying our limits and standing firmly in regard to them” (Fluker 2023).
For years I wore “busy” like a badge of honor. The busier my calendar looked, the more I equated it to my inner value. I began to notice people would say “I know you’re busy, but can you…” knowing I would squeeze it in, add to the pile and contort my life to meet the deadline. What “busy” was doing to my body (expediting aging through stress) didn’t hit me until the pandemic struck. I didn’t know what true rest looked like for me, until I was forced to come face to face with idleness… and it wasn’t pretty. After being used to my cape flapping in the wind; idleness felt so foreign and forced me to put a magnifying glass inward.
Talking through those foreign feelings helped me tremendously. I was able to drill down to the root of why I was so uncomfortable with idleness and frankly made very little time or effort for comfort, rest and creativity. In that moment I made a pact with myself to take better care and build more self-trust instead of architecting self-sacrifice. This led to trying out new hobbies, and discovering signals my body gives when it needs my menu of ways to rest activated. Saturday afternoon naps (love love love); deep journaling lo-fi music or sitting on the porch listening to an audiobook are now all part of my “rest-repertoire”. As you think through what rest looks like for you, I encourage you to create a “rest menu” in a notes app on your phone. We think we’ll remember these things, but having a tangible list makes recall a bit easier.
Creativity
“I think it’s a way of showing ourselves that we deserve peace, mindfulness, wellness and beauty in our lives—especially when we get to be creative about what that looks like, as opposed to someone else defining it for us.” (Watson 2023).
As a young girl I pined for for trips to Frank’s craft store. Whenever I would earn a reward, my first choice was the Lisa Frank aisle. Stickers, wiring for bracelets, notebooks all the things were my jam. I treasured each piece. As I matured in age, I realized the beauty of this practice in my youth. It’s not simply a means of productivity, but creativity in the process adds to destress. Once I found the planner community, then bullet journaling I knew I could anchor Myself in the practice. Once you find you’re creative outlet, my best advice is the time block it on your calendar. Even if I have to move my time, it’s a constant trigger to make time for this practice.
Comfort
“However, you can be a high earner but still make choices that do not center care, tenderness or balance in your life, especially if you’ve been conditioned or expected to do everything the hard way.” (Agyeyeman 2023).
If you’ve made it this far in the post, know this line was the one that landed hardest. I’ve seen too many friends, family and admired colleagues put their need for care, tenderness and balance aside for external accolades, awards, promotions ect…. I raise my hand high at one time being in this club as well. Similar to my pandemic learnings, I realized comfort and tenderness was just as important for recuperation as the validation. I don’t think we talk about this enough, in ways that reduce shame and elevate personal softness.
If it’s helpful, I developed a quick tool for reflection. Feel free to download and use this tool as you build your soft-live menu. TIPS & TOOLS
In peace,
J
References:
Living The #SoftLife: Here’s Why Black Women Are Rejecting The Harmful “Strong Black Woman” Trope
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The 7 Whispers Book is now available for purchase! Be prepared to make this book messy! Seventeen months into my personal wellness journey, a lightbulb hit. The 7 dimensions of health model, is an ongoing journey, not a destination. So, I chose to create the journal I wish I had. Elevating your health helps everyone in your life. This journal is filled with “quick read” nuggets and easy to follow templates that will help you swag and sway between each health dimension attuned to personal harmony
