🐝 What Happens When We’re Lonely? 4 Steps to Combat 🎧 & a Playlist #socialwellness

While dropping off my Son at camp, I watched him quickly adapting to a new environment and reconnecting with a good buddy very naturally. I was so impressed how he was able to move through the experience with a joy. His social wellness over the summer has definitely improved with purposeful experiences.

I realized in that moment social wellness bring so much joy and health benefits, I need to spend a bit of time checking in with Myself and the goal for this year. To the journal 📓 we go….

Let’s check in Friends….…

• What are the 2 wellness principles you are working on this year?
  • Social?
  • Intellectual?
  • Physical?
  • Environmental?
  • Spiritual?
  • Emotional?
  • Professional?

If you’re wondering how to set goals around these principles check out my previous post explaining the Whispers “Start Here” tool.

This year, I chose Social and Intellectual as my 2 key 🔑 wellness principles to work on for 2025.

That doesn’t mean I let the others completely backslide, but rather I’m elevating these two above the others. It also helps me keep my priorities when making big decisions.

Social wellness refers to the quality of our relationships and our ability to interact positively and meaningfully with others.

When we have poor social wellness, loneliness can creep in and settle into our moods.

What Happens When We’re Lonely ?

• Loneliness and social isolation increase the risk of premature death by 26% and 29%, respectively.
• Poor social connection raises the risk of heart disease by 29% and stroke by 32%.
• It is linked to a higher likelihood of developing anxiety, depression, and dementia.
• Lack of connection may also weaken the immune system, increasing vulnerability to viruses and respiratory illnesses.

Yowsers! The mind body connection is so real. This is why I decided to put myself out there far more than I ever have. I’m also using my intellectual goals to research building social wellness since that doesn’t come natural for me.

Building Your Village

After changing jobs and moving to a new city a few years ago, I have found it challenging making new friends as an adult. Proximity is very important, much more than I knew before. Finding resources to help me navigate building community has been extremely helpful.

➡️ Enter my latest read Find Your People by Jennie Allen.

Jennie writes “In a world that’s both more connected and more isolating than ever before, we’re often tempted to do life alone, whether because we’re so busy or because relationships feel risky and hard. In Find Your People, she draws on fascinating insights from science and history, timeless biblical truth, and vulnerable stories from her own life”.

Jennie’s book at times, masterfully illustrates why we shy away from the deep…hard… work of building community, and when you find these relationships “watering 🪴 them” consistently.

Ultimately, the goal is to build a community where you feel known, loved, and supported, allowing you to be your true self and pursue your passions.

The known word is what hit for me throughout the book. We are creatures that want to be seen through life. Deep connection requires having the hard and soft conversations. Ones that lift you up and support you when times get hard. Balance is key… So much good learning!

Allen discusses the 5 qualities in friendship we should pursue:

• Proximity: People who are physically present and share experiences with you.
• Shared Mission: People who work alongside you towards common goals.
• Transparency: People with whom you can be open and honest.
• Accountability: People who encourage and challenge you to grow.
• Consistency: People who are reliable and committed to the relationship. 

Beyond these core ingredients, Allen identifies specific types of friends: 

• Sage Friends: Provide wisdom, guidance, and prayer. 
• Encouragers: Believe in you, see the best in you, and offer hope. 
• Foxhole Friends: Loyal companions who are right there with you in the trenches, sharing in both good and bad times. 
• Challengers: Don’t let you settle for less than your best and aren’t afraid to speak the truth, even when it’s hard.

My only edit from what she writes in this section, is that we can swag and sway between categories. I think about my Mom, she can really be any one of these depending on the day and the phone call. But, you have to decide which criteria you need and be vocal about sharing it! There are times I call my Mom and say “I just need a listening ear….” and that’s how she shows up.

It’s really important you help your tribe know what you need.

Whispers Friendship challenge– 4 Steps

☎️ Step 1– Reach Out

Jim McCann CEO of 1800 flowers issued a challenge this month for International Month of Friendship (July). “For Friendship Month: Scroll through your PHONE contacts (real live people) someone you’ve lost touch with, and send a simple message: You popped into my mind — let’s catch up next week.” 

When He or She answers and you talk, share a playlist with them. Let them know we can listen to this when we’re not around.

💻 Step 2 Take the Quiz

Take the Friendship Quiz by Jenni Allen to find out which Friend type you are. Once you have your results, trying showing up for that friend in that way. In a new friend group I’ve joined and built, they know they can count on me to organize our gathering. I can count on them to SHOW UP! It’s such a beautiful thing when no one has to force the presence, we all just get to sit in who we are. They know they are the comedians 😂 too… that’s for another post! Try it out!

📝 Step 3 Self Reflection

Reflect internally for a minute… chose which 3 qualities are most meaningful to you and write them down. Not that every friends needs to have all 3, but what are the ones that mena the most? Be ready to share them with your friends whenever the time persists.

Quick funny story, with a new friend I’m learning and building with one day I shared with her how it bothers me when I send a text and I don’t get a message back… it just came out and I immediately regretted😕 sharing what seemed to be such a “petty” thought 💭. She immediately made me feel so much better about it. She said “really wow now I know and I’ll keep it mind”! It made me feel so relieved to have shared something small but here a positive reinforcement☺️!

🎵 Step 4 🎧 Vibe Out!

Take a moment to vibe out to this playlist! Sourced from playlists friends have sent me, take a moment to give yourself a friendship vibe! You are the most important part of the equation!

• Best Days Tamela Mann
• Glow Queen by Vakntna
• Count on Me Whitney Houston
• I’m Blessed Charlie Wilson
• Just Fine Mary J Blidge
• Power of Love Bebe Winans
• Boots on Ground 803Fresh
• Southside Common
• Afro Blue Robert Glasper
• Jesus Children Robert Glasper
• Shine On Me Joseph Solomon
• Oma Baba Spirit of Prophecy
• Dontchange Musiq Soulchild
• Caribbean Medley Donnie McClurkin

References

Find Your People by Jennie Allen

Take the Friendship Quiz by Jennie Allen

Our Episode of Loneliness Surgeon Generals Report

Friendship Forward Podcast by Danielle Bayard Jackson

Let’s Take This Journey Together…

✨ Whether you’re just beginning or deepening your wellness journey, this book is your companion to real, lasting growth.

If you choose to continue this journey with the book, I highly encourage you to mark it up! Don’t treat it so precious, that you don’t take advantage of the tools and bookmarks. They were very intentionally created for you to use direct. 

Order your copy today on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DMD4G2FM

I’m cheering for you!!

lonliness self-love Social Wellness Stress the epidemic of lonliness